I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
