I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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