Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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