hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
