Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
