My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize