A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
