walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
