Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
