he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Come share oat with me in your robe
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
