Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just high enough for therapy.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
