I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
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My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
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At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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