I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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