Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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