Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
