I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
