he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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