Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
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I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
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Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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