NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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