So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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