You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
