Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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