Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
