I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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