why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
