Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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