Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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