I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
