Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize