No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
