I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
