just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
