Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
