he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
