i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
