shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i think i just lost a toe
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