can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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