And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
