When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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