I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
