so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
