You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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