i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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