the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
