I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
