I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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