did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
