I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
