Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
