if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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