someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
