my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
