And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
