omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
