Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
