I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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