The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
