Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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