Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
