Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
this beer tastes like vomit already
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
