I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
