im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
