Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
