fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I've blown a few things in my day
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
