I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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