So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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