I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
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Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
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I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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