Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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