My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
