I wish my penis had an off switch
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
