You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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