just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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