I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
