I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
